“I am so happy to be a Catholic
The fresh bell was warm my soul
In the day when I existed on the earth.
Arm of mother loved me moment.” (By Dong Que)
The rhythm of the poet is a starting point for the journey of my faith. It also conveys my gratitude to God for the gift of faith. The gift that I feel unworthy to receive. ‘For who I am that the Lord of all the earth would care my name and chose me before I was born when I was in my mother’s womb’, (Isaiah 49:1); and gave me a wonderful family, in which I was born and grew up.
Being aware of myself as the gift from God, my original Catholic parents did not forget their responsibility to nurture and educate me according to tradition of Catholic Church. The first lesson that I learned was to make the sign of cross. It seemed so simple and I took time to learn it but it conveys the whole mystery of faith that I realized later on. I had learned step by step like my physical leaning to walk, I eventually learned by heart prayers of ‘Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory’. I still remember how happy I was when I joined in praying Holy Rosary in the Church with people of God. This kind of happy feeling inspired and urged me to go to the church more frequently. I did not give my parents a chance to remind me as they often do with my brothers and sisters.
Joy naturally creates another joy. The day that I longed for was to come, the day of my first Communion. I never forget the mixed feeling I had in that day. I was so nervous yet so happy to receive the Communion. Such kind of feeling that I just somehow understood when I had the first religious profession was the feeling of unworthy for wonderful gift. After the mass of the first Communion, I ran to my parents and embraced them with tear, the tear of happiness, the tear of gratitude in which I could not express in words to them for all labor and merits that they had nurtured, educated and accompanied with us in every step of our lives.
I never forget day after day they had to wake up early to bring us to the church, to the catechism classes and tried to finish their work and came back to fetch us home. In my case, they had to labor so much because of me. For every evening whether I joined the children choir to practice songs, or with neighbors to pray in the Saint Joseph’s Shrine or read the gospel for my grandmother. They had done it for me without any complaining and regardless the bad weather. How blessed I am to have such model parents. The more I feel to owe to my parents, the more I thank God for the gift of their presence in my life.
Indeed, the family is the first school of faith, and parents are the first teachers of our faith. For they are the first ones who brought us to the Church, taught us about God, and the first ones who were our examples to practice and live faith. Their conviction, experience, and piety of faith influences us in every step of our journey even they are no longer beside us physically. Eventually, the time comes, ‘they must decrease so that we may increase’ (John 3:30) when they feel that we can walk by ourselves. However, what they had sown in our hearts never gone away but must bear fruit someday.
Indeed, from going to the church and participating on church activities, it grew in me love of service to people. I was so attractive to the way of service of priests, religious sisters and brothers without condition and self interest in our church. I then desired to follow them. Thus, right after graduation of High School, I asked permission from my parents to join in the Lovers of the Holy Cross of Thu Duc Congregation. Fortunately and thankfully, I was accepted in the congregation.
However, the new life was little bit different with my life in my own family. In the family, I was often pampered by my parents and siblings. They never forced me to do hard working, but here everything I must do by my own. Thanks to the help of companions and formators, I was able to correct myself and persevered in my vocation. It is true that living in the religious life, one must die daily.
Nevertheless, it was not so difficult for me to adjust and assert myself to follow the rules of the community. The most challenge for me is how to detach from family. I am really worried and disturbed, especially when I hear my parents to get sick. It happened when I was in novitiate. I learned that my mother got serious sick. I really wanted to go home to take care my mother. I was, indeed, stuck in the discernment whether I would stay or leave. Again, thanks to the community who is the source of my comfort, who constantly prayed very hard for my mother. With God’s mercy, my mother had recovered from her sickness. From that experience, I learned how to entrust to the Lord my family. I always believe that the Lord knows how to take care my family better than myself and anyone else. From now on I somehow understood the words of Jesus when he said to young man, “Let the dead buries their own death, but for you, go to proclaim the kingdom of God,” (Luke 9:60).
With such conviction or the sign of God, I have more confidence to work out my weakness and struggle, in which, I desire to follow Christ but also want to be close with my family. For me, being human as we are, we cannot avoid all lapses, shortcoming, or attachment. They are not our problem. Our problem is whether we are aware of them or not and know how to rely on God and on others to ask for help or not. Trusting all in the Lord, it helps me more confident to continue my faith and vocation’s journey despite all temptations and challenges getting along the way. Graciously, I was able to commit myself totally to God in the day of my perpetual profession. All my experiences in that they can summarize in a word of “faithfulness”. In order to make my perpetual profession happened, God has been so faithful with his promise to me. He is faithful in calling, changing, assisting, and loving me from beginning to that moment. I do believe that He is still faithful to me to the end.
Reflecting on the journey of my faith and my vocation, I realize that the tradition or the way of living faith in the family is very important for growth of faith and response of vocation of a member. I am so sure that I would not become as I am now if I did not grew in my family. It is a big challenge for us to focus more on the family’s matters. For it is possible to say the environment of the family would impact deeply and affect so much in life of its members. If we do not want to say it is the cause of all problem later on. Besides, in order to reach the termination in our journey, we need the companions. Without their helps, we cannot do anything. Lastly, it seems there is a common battens in our vocation’s journey: we feel God’s call and respond to the call. But then there is confusion or resistance of the call that we want to give up, but God gives us a sign or assurance that he is always with us. After receiving the assurance, we continue our journey. However, all in all, in order to be sure that we are in the right way or not, just ask ourselves how close relationship we have with our Lord who is the truth, the light, and the way; whoever binds in Him never be lost.
Sr. Hồng Ngân, LHC.TD